Even in my dreams I can’t reach your heart and put MY soul into peace.

I dreamed about you last night, or this morning, I am not sure, but I dreamed about you. You were still here, and we worked together, and I was having the feeling of boredom, feeling that I have been having for quite a long time lately. You were there sitting, and I was having a feeling of fear, feeling that I have been having for quite a long time lately. I remember wanting to ask you to go out later that night, because I was bored, but I couldn’t because of my fear. It was dark, not as the lights were off, or as it is night outside, but dark as a lost memory, blurry dark. I remember fading as was trying to reach you and ask you to go out later, but you looked scared too, even more than I was. Even in my dreams you don’t understand that I won’t hurt you, all the contrary. Even in my dreams I can’t reach your heart and put YOUR soul into peace.

I stopped hoping that we could have something in the future while I am awake, but I can’t stop hope fulfilling me in my dreams, can I? But hope doesn’t need me to stop it, it stops itself. Right before I wake up, right before I make up my mind to come to you, right before I feel secure, right before I have the feeling that there could be a “we” between you and I, the hope stops and reality kicks in. How terrifying is this?! How awfully sad?! Even in my dreams I can’t reach your heart and put YOUR soul into peace.

People usually believe that dreams show them the future, what will happen, but Freud says that dreams show us the past. Show us what happened or what we locked in our hearts. Show us what we are feared to show ourselves while awake. And I happen to believe Freud more than people, and I happen to believe that’s why hope stops it self even in my dreams, because I start being conscious, because I am seeing what I fear the most, not being able to reach you, not having you in my life spiritually, because physically you will be around. And I wake up, with the feeling that I will see you today, but it has been just two weeks, two weeks of us being just friends who will see each other when the school starts and I miss you. But, even in my dreams I can’t reach your heart and put MY soul into peace.

 

 

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